Author Topic: In Loving Memory  (Read 511 times)

Ricky

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In Loving Memory
« on: November 20, 2017, 09:13:16 PM »
Graveside services will be held Wednesday, November 22, 2017, at 1:00 p.m. for Mr. Zack Stinnett, age 24, of Genoa City, Wisconsin, who died unexpectedly November 20 of an accidental gunshot wound to the back.   The incident occurred in Roadside Motel, located near Roadside Storage, several miles northeast of Genoa City, just off Interstate 94.   Burial will be in the Juliet Helton Unwanted Character Annex of Genoa City Memorial Gardens.

Mr. Stinnett, the son of Mr. & Mrs. Zachary Stinnett, grew up in the Sketchy Neighborhood of Chicago, Illinois.   He was a 2011 graduate of Sketchy Neighborhood High School, where he was voted Best Dressed and Most Likely to Succeed in his senior year.   He also designed a webpage for his high school when he was only a freshman. 

An entrepreneur by nature, Mr. Stinnett ran three local businesses during his teenage years:   Stinnett Coin-Op Car Wash, Zack's Wash-a-teria, and the Hot Bitch Rubdown Massage Parlor.   Upon completion of business courses at Northwestern University, Mr. Stinnett consolidated his holdings into County Connect LLC, and was known for keeping meticulous printed records of his business transactions in his Roadside Storage rental unit.

"He was an interesting employer," said Crystal Porter, a former masseuse.   "I always had his back, right up until the end."

Most recently, Mr. Stinnett was a resident of Genoa City, Wisconsin, where he perfected the world famous "Design Date" computer application under the umbrella of Newman Enterprises.  Mr. Stinnett's survivors credit chief executive officer Victor Newman and chief operating officer and heir apparent Victoria Newman for the success of the dating app, which was fully funded by Newman Enterprises.

In addition to his parents, Mr. Stinnett is survived by his roommate and concubine, Miss Abby Newman, his right-hand man Leon, his County Connect spokesperson Alice Johnson, and his best drinking bud, Mr. Scott Grainger.   

Grainger issued the following statement upon learning of Mr. Stinnett's death:  "I'll miss having an early morning beer with Zack in the Underground.   But like other parts of my life, it's just a tiny, tiny little thing --- so tiny that it will soon be forgotten."     

 

Winza

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2017, 09:36:03 PM »
Oh, you outdid yourself, Ricky.  I can't pull out just one or two lines.  There are SO MANY GREAT ONES! 


You had me at the Unwanted Character annex, for sure . . .


LOL!!!!!!!

DianeM

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #2 on: November 20, 2017, 10:09:05 PM »
Ricky, you are a genius.  ;D  You should be head writer of Y&R. Thanks for the laugh.

Soaprah

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2017, 10:14:13 PM »
"He was an interesting employer," said Crystal Porter, a former masseuse.   "I always had his back, right up until the end."
This is my favourite line-- hands down!    ;D 

SANDY B

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2017, 10:25:31 PM »
LOL


Maple Leaf

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #5 on: November 21, 2017, 05:43:20 AM »
Well done, Ricky. Well done 😁

stpauliegirl

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2017, 06:52:43 AM »
Very funny, Ricky.  I'm going to miss Zack.

DebR

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2017, 09:21:39 AM »
"He was an interesting employer," said Crystal Porter, a former masseuse.   "I always had his back, right up until the end."
This is my favourite line-- hands down!    ;D 


Mine too, love it!

monkeymome3

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2017, 11:12:43 AM »
LMAO!

Ricky

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #9 on: November 21, 2017, 04:10:34 PM »

Couldn't let PP go to the Great Brothel in the Sky without a proper obit  ;)

Capricorn

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #10 on: November 21, 2017, 04:20:35 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D


I've busy deleting old posts.  Just catching up.  Ricky you tickle my funny bone.

Peridot

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #11 on: November 21, 2017, 07:21:47 PM »

Couldn't let PP go to the Great Brothel in the Sky without a proper obit  ;)

LOL.  And a mighty fine obit it is!

Billie

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #12 on: November 21, 2017, 08:22:53 PM »
Yes, it was!  You outdid yourself Ricky.  You out write all of those boring writers...

bren

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #13 on: November 21, 2017, 08:51:02 PM »
Absolutely hilarious!  Ricky, you are priceless.  So glad you are here to lend a bit of comic relief when we need it.  Thanks for your fun, funny contributions.

pcrchik

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #14 on: November 22, 2017, 04:29:58 PM »
brilliant ricky!  nicely played sir.  ;D ;D ;D

LeannaLove

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #15 on: November 22, 2017, 07:28:51 PM »
Nothing good ever comes out of that Sketchy Neighborhood of Chicago.  I plan to visit with family in the Windy City next weekend.  I'll be sure to avoid not only Sketchy but I hear Shady is bad too.

Thanks Ricky!

Kramer

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Re: In Loving Memory
« Reply #16 on: November 22, 2017, 11:37:23 PM »
Too funny!